Lost and Found

When I first started this blog I’d sit down and whip out a post a day with next to no effort at all. Maybe my writings reflect that? *teehee*
Anyway, lately, like over the last few months, I’ve found it’s become more and more difficult to work up any creative juices at all! I’ve had a lot… let me say that again… A FREAKIN LOT of stress going on and actually, I would have loved to be able to just sit and write! It’s so refreshing to be able to work through issues in my life as I write about them. Sometimes it helps me see things from a different angle, sometimes it just gives me a place to release some of the pent up emotions I have. Sometimes there is no rhyme or reason behind my writings and I’m just writing to feel alive!!!

But, the words have not come so easy as of late. It’s been like almost sneezing. You know that feeling. You can feel the tickle, then your start to catch your breath, your eyes begin to water, and… AND… AND!!!! Nothing. It’s gone and you’re left feeling unfulfilled and frustrated. Or, at least that’s how it is for me. And that’s exactly the description I have for not being able to write much.

When I wrote that poem last week it was such an awesome feeling! I was inspired with the first line the night before, then that morning I got home after seeing everyone off to school and banged that out in five minutes flat! It was absolutely surreal and totally amazing to feel the juices flowing again. It just felt… natural.
But, alas… all good things must come to an end and any semblance of creativity that I may have have possessed is one again MIA. I miss it. If it ever comes back I plan to collect it up in my arms, hold it tight, and never let it go again!

Writing for me has been what’s gotten me though some really dark periods in my life. It’s also been where I’ve gone when I’ve had wonderful things happen in my life that I didn’t want to forget! I’ve even started writing a couple of different novels, but they quickly fell to the wayside while the needs of my family took precedence. I’ve found a huge release in being able to just sit and write on this blog and not have to worry about the kids ripping pages out and/or coloring all over my writings. I now that I haven’t written much depth over the past year, but I’ve thought about it a lot.

Up until last year, all my writings I’ve kept private, not sharing them with anyone. Since writing to me is so personal, I always hesitate sharing what I’ve written because I don’t want to get hurt by criticism. Maybe that’s why I’m having trouble writing now? How do I know that I can trust you with my deepest thoughts and feelings? How do I know that you deserve my writings? How do I know that you won’t take my words out of context to chastise me with later?

I guess the answer is, I don’t know. I don’t know how you’re going to react to what I write. How can I? I’m not a mind reader! Maybe you’ll love it and comment? Maybe you’ll love it and say nothing? Maybe you’ll only come to lurk to see what’s new in my life? Maybe you secretly would like to see a chink in my protective armour so you check in daily for a reason to feel better about your own life? I just don’t know.

What I do know is, I love to write. I miss it. I wish my creativity didn’t just quit with no notice or provocation. *sigh* So, if you see a lonely bit of creativity out wandering around the city all by itself, please send it home. I’m ready to nurture it again and I hope it’s ready to feed me.